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Saturday, July 17, 2010

Rachael's Feedback on Sara's Blog Post #1: Constructs of Femininity and Masculinity in a TV-based Aspect of Pop Culture

Great Job!!

I really enjoyed the topic you chose to cover.  Rather than picking a male or female character and describing the obvious traits that make them masculine or feminine, you decided to pick a character that showed the opposite personality of their sex. I also really enjoyed your conclusion.  It told me in a clear and concise way what your main points were and how each  supported your thesis. I must applaud your writing style as well. I found only one run on sentence, no spelling mistakes, and the two grammatical mistakes I found were so minor it did not take away from your piece at all.

That being said, I could not find much else wrong with your analysis. I would have liked for your introduction to be slightly clearer like your conclusion was, and your paragraph about Ryan and Knight's conversation about sexual encounters to be more concise as well. I found myself having to read that paragraph over again. Oh, and one more thing, I would have liked to have seen the title of the episode in the opening paragraph, but that's just a personal preference of mine. I found myself nitpicking when it came to finding any mistakes or places to work on.  You really did a wonderful job on this assignment.

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