I thought your introduction and conclusion were interesting. I liked the fact that you discussed by adding a Chinese American homosexual into the mix. It added diversity into a racially homogeneous show.
I thought it was interesting how you examined the relationship between Lloyd and Ari. I thought by discussing the relationship, you help to demonstrate the uniqueness of the portrayal of Lloyd .
I liked your piece in the beginning about Lloyd breaking the stereotype of Chinese Americans in the media. I thought the quote you included helped to prove your point effectively.
I thought you should have broken down the paragraphs. I found myself getting lost in your prose, and therefore have trouble grasping the full meaning. I thought if they were shorter, it might have been easier to follow your argument. Also, be careful of run-on sentences.
I wish that you had addressed masculinity and femininity more directly. Although your ideas about sexuality and race were interesting, I thought if you had more analysis about gender, it would have strengthened the ideas present in your paper.
Lastly, I think you could have strengthened your thesis statement. I had trouble picking out a definitive subject for the paper.
Just a note: If possible, in your next blog, I would encourage you to use the same font throughout your paper. It looks a bit better stylistically.
Friday, July 16, 2010