Firstly, I thought that your introduction, though attention grabbing, could have been more pointed. Secondly, I thought you used too much repetitive language. Thirdly, your conclusion could have had more to do with the question we had to answer. Lastly, you should have expanded on patriarchy. As is, there is no lead in to patriarchy as a topic in your paper and it felt irrelevant.
I thought that your point about him being the "bad cop" was pertinent. You did a very good job of backing up your points with quotes. Your explanation of how this character exemplifies manliness was impeccable, but it should have been mentioned in your conclusion.
It was an interesting topic, but it felt like it was based too much on feminism and not enough on what it means to be a man.
Friday, July 16, 2010