Lauren's Feedback on Brendan's Blog: One of the Guys

Brendan-
Strengths: I especially liked the point you made about men drinking this beer will feel that it will make them more attractive to the opposite sex, and even manlier, due to the images on the advertisements.
In addition, I liked the way you ended this piece with a question.

Could Use Improvement:
Your these is long which can make it hard to follow; a shorter and more to the point thesis can work as well.
Also, you did well using details to support your points, however you could have used more direct examples by describing a few of the ads to make the argument more solid.

Good job!
-Lauren