America's Next Top Patriarchy

Name of Author - Mike

Nice job on:
1. Your thesis was very relevant, strong, and, i felt, rather ambitious. Also the flow of your argument more than adequately backed up your thesis.
2. The sources you employed were very relevant and strongly helped in proving your points. They are also nicely cited in-text.

Ares for potential improvement:
1. Be careful not to include personal opinion in your analytical argument. In your second paragraph, don't presume to know what they audience sees based on what you see; this can lead to inaccurate generalizations.
2. Try not to start so many parapgrahs off with quotes. This can lead to you arguing for and backing up what has already been said rather than vice versa.

Daniel K.
karbown2.blogspot.com

May 31, 2008 12:47 AM