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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Kevin's feedback on Kristi's "Gucci sends gendered submissive messages to sell handbags! " post

Nice post Kristi!

Ways in which you excelled:
-Your choice of "product" to analyze (Gucci fashion) was a good decision. The gendered differences that appear in the ads in your collage are all very relevant to class discussions and the readings from the past few weeks. Your collage itself speaks volumes about Gucci's approach to gender without having to clarify with a single sentence. Really well done!
-I think you chose good excerpts from the readings to support your points. Kilbourne's arguments about women being subordinate clearly manifest themselves in your collage, and Jhally's points about image-based advertising are also applicable to your thesis. You use these sources well to strengthen your own arguments.

Ways in which you could have improved:
-There was a sentence in the first body paragraph that got cut off and made the reading a bit confusing. Consider omitting or revising that part.
-The reading gets a bit choppy where you use outside quotes. This isn't a big issue, but you may sound even more persuasive if you could find a way to make the quotes fall more seamlessly into the flow of your writing.

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