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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sam's Feedback on Danielle's Barbie's Standards of Femininity

Things you did well:

- Your break down of your paper was easily seen from your thesis and you followed the plan that you set for yourself. Your thesis was, "According to this toy, the ideal woman is white, rich, preoccupied with appearance, and limited to traditional female roles." and once the reader reads that they can prepare for the first topic to be race, and then social class, and so on. I think that its important to list these in order to not only plan the paper for yourself but it also helps the reader.

- Barbie being a toy often discussed in class, can lead to a paper about barbie stale. However, because of the amount of topics tackled such as social class along with the other topics you added more variety and interest. I personally never had really thought about Barbie's wealth but thinking about it after you brought it up made it become so apparent.

Things to improve on:

- You talk about how Barbie is primarily white and wealthy which was great but I think within those two paragraphs you should explain the messages it sends to the little girls. To back up your thesis that Barbie is setting the ideal woman goal you need to explain how all the Barbie's being white and rich effects the girls.

- Some grammar issues here and there. Not really sentences with errors but if you re worded them it may be easier for the reader.

Another great post Danielle!

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