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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Alyssa's feeback on Heather's: Unleash the Violence: Monster Energy and Violent Masculinty


I thought your introduction was good. It grabbed my attention and your thesis really set up what you wanted to say in the rest of the paper. I also found both of your quotes to really support the collage and the main points you were trying to make.

Although I did like your quotes, I felt as though you could have gone into more explanation in your last paragraph. Also in your thesis you described how Monster used “sexualized passivity of women” I think this could have been portrayed more in your collage.
Good job!

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